Virgin Mary Gryffindor
by petthekat
Summary: A conversation between Hermione and Draco, meant to be entirely satirical. Hermione asks Draco if he's a virgin.


Disclaimer: I do not own SHIT. Bwa hahahah! Wait...Yes I do..-prods her dog-  
  
Author's Note: This is something of a conversation I figured should transpire in EVERY Draco/Hermione fic.. o.O;;  
  
Reviews are worshipped.  
  
By the way, this fic was inspired by a roleplay that I did, by the whole dialogue thing  
  
was inspired by a fantastic fic called Trick Stair. It's a Draco/Hermione fic.  
  
"Draco?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
Shifty. "Er.., Um.. I wanted to ask you something."  
  
"..Alright." Curious.  
  
"Um.. Erm..Well, I know it really isn't my business.. but..well, I was just wondering.. if you were a, um.."  
  
"Sexy beast? Devilishly handsome wizard? Absolutely delicious specimen for all females? ..Yes."  
  
"No! Stupid git.. I mean.. Are you a, ahem, virgin..?"  
  
Stare. "No.."  
  
"..You're not?!"  
  
"Hell no! Who in the hell is a virgin at seventeen?"  
  
Gape. "Uh.., well, Lots of people!"  
  
"No, Hermione, very very few people."  
  
"Nuh-Unh!"  
  
"Yes huh!"  
  
"Nuh-Unh!"  
  
"YES-Huh!"  
  
Pout.  
  
Stare.  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Who with? When? Where? What Year? What position?!"  
  
"Hermione, you really do not want to know-"  
  
"Yes, I bloody well do! Or I wouldn't have asked."  
  
"Seriously, Hermione-"  
  
"WHO-"  
  
"Pansy Parkinson."  
  
"WHEN-"  
  
Calm. "Fourth year."  
  
"..Where-"  
  
Smiles. "Ancient Runes Class, Seven fourty-five p.m., on top of three desks."  
  
Gape. "Your a liar."  
  
"Am not. Ask Pansy.  
  
"As if I would EVER go to that wretch for an answer to something! She can barely spell her own name-"  
  
"Spells it with an E, actually.."  
  
"I rest my case."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"You're a virgin, aren't you Hermione?"  
  
"Wh-What?! No-, Well, Erm.." Shift.  
  
Smirk. "You are!"  
  
"..."  
  
Smirk.  
  
"Fine! Fine, I am a virgin! So WHAT? At least I'm not a slut, like Pansy!"  
  
"Actually, Pansy being a slut is a good thing."  
  
"...Why?" Seething.  
  
"Because, well, think about it Hermione. If it weren't for sluts like Pansy, all the ugly guys at Hogwarts, like, say, Potter, would never  
  
have a chance to be laid."  
  
Gasp. "What a terrible thing to say! And- Ugh- Harry would NEVER-"  
  
"Oh, really? Ask Pansy for her list. She writes all of them down."  
  
"Harry would NOT stoop to the likes of Pansy!"  
  
"Third Year, Arithmancy Tower, around eight or so. Just ask. I dare you."  
  
"How in the HELL would you even know all of this?"  
  
Eye roll. "Think about it, Hermione. Pansy doesn't exactly keep her personal sex life a secret."  
  
"..True."  
  
"Well, do you believe me now?"  
  
"Well..No...I mean, ugh, I don't know! I don't care about who Pansy has sex with, anyway!"  
  
"Riiight. Because you're a virgin."  
  
"Being a virgin is NOT bad! For the HUNDREDTH time!"   
  
"Ok, Hermione."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Who what?"  
  
"Who all have you been with, you stupid git?!"  
  
"Oh.. Uh, really, we shouldn't go into this."  
  
"Tell me, now." Glare.  
  
Shift. "fine, Fine.. Uh, fourth year was Pansy..quite a few times.. then Lavender Brown and her friend.. I can't even remember her name..  
  
..then that Ravenclaw girl, what was her name..? Oh yeah, uh, Chang something or another.. Angelina Spinnet.. about three times, actually,  
  
damn good with the hand jobs-"  
  
Scowl. "Is there anyone you DIDN'T have sex with you bloody man whore?"  
  
"Um.." Thinks. "Well...You."  
  
Deep Scowl. "And....?"  
  
"And.. um..erm..Oh yeah! That little Weasley girl."  
  
"DRACO!"  
  
"WHAT?! I'm not going to have sex with a Weasley!"  
  
"You! You- You, Argh! I can't believe you."  
  
"Really, I can't believe me either." Stares into a mirror.  
  
"..How did you get Lavender Brown to have sex with you?"  
  
Scoff. "More like how did SHE get ME to have sex with HER. She practically begged." Smug.  
  
"Liar! Lavender isn'tt that desperate!"  
  
"Ha! Maybe not to you."  
  
Glare. "Angelina-"  
  
"Transfiguration classroom, fifth year. Quite good she was, not as much as George Weasley boasted though-"  
  
"The Patil Twins-"  
  
"Both at the same time, very nice."  
  
Gasp. "Incest!"  
  
Grin. "Not on my part, it wasn't!"  
  
"..Luna Lovegood-"  
  
"Bit tipsy on the Holiday rum, she was!" Laughs.  
  
Growls. "..Cho Chang!"  
  
"Missionary style in the old girl's bathroom. Pervy little ghost Myrtle watched the whole bloody time-"  
  
"Ugh! Shut up! I don't want to hear it!"  
  
"What?! You asked!"  
  
"You are a SLUT."  
  
"Virgin Mary Gryffindor!"  
  
"Slytherin Man Whore!"  
  
"Goody Two-Shoes!"  
  
"Horny little Ferret!"  
  
"Abstinent Git!"  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..Wanna have sex?"  
  
Sigh. "Might as well."  
  
"Yes! Just let me call Pansy."  
  
"..WHAT?!"  
  
heheheheheh..YAY! it's done. Review! 


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